Posts Tagged ‘writing’

The courage to leave home.

May 17, 2008

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My son Eugene picked me up from the airport around end of December 07, my usual trip back home once a month. On the way home, he mention that Corry, his friend is going to school in San Francisco for classes he needs to take to become a firemen’s paramedic. “Well Eugene, why don’t you go with him and take couple of classes up there?  Wouldn’t it be the perfect chance for you to go back to school, and will give you an opportunity to be in the new environment?” He reached over with his right hand to my right hand ( my left hand has prosthesis on), and said ” Thank you mom, I love you.” This is how he moved to San Francisco and registered at the City College in Jan. 08. 

He lives on the very famous street called The Clarion St. /Mission St. where there is well-known artists paintings on the wall and garage door. It is very rough area as his landlord informed me, and said, “Let’s see if he can stick it out. If he can’t, I will discard his lease, although he signed 1 year lease.” I do agree 100 %, the area is very rough-looking . I mentioned to Eugene one day that I believe it’s not safe for him to live there. But he said ” Mom don’t you know I need to see all this? I am fine Mom. Would you please stop worrying?” Well, that’s that I said to myself…… 

I love to read his blogs and check on it every day. It helps me to get to know more of him, or rather get to know him all over again. Now  he is grown up person, not only as my son. That’s where I got my blogging ideas from him . I got jealous. Beside, it’s long overdue, that I truly believe I need to express my thoughts, pour out what I have inside of me good or bad, whatever it is. My dearest spiritual friend Eddie Gabral been told me many times in the past that I needed to bring out all my writings which all tucked away like it almost don’t exist. He said it meant to sing it , not literally but in spiritual sense and people need to read about it. I never believed him only because I know  that I am no writer not in English nor Korean, because I am not good in either one. All I have done was scribble things in English or sometimes in Korean once in a while. 

Eugene lives in small studio apartment, upstairs of the Hispanic church along with 2 other Hispanic tenants. He and I both think there is a crack house across the alley on Clarion Street where he can see who is going in or out . He even took pictures of some one getting arrested at the bottom of the stairs, right outside of his apartment one night in the dark. 

The latest thing with Eugene is that he is planning to join the cycling event from San Francisco to Los Angeles for AIDS fund-raising. He pleads for someone to donate some money at the fund-raising web site ( I promised  myself not to forget to give some $s out of my pocket. ) It would be so worth it. It will make him happy. 

But my latest dilemma with his cycling to all the way to Los Angeles is not only mother’s worry, I think I have good reason to be concerned about him  over doing to prove himself that he is now normal and has no handicap issues. Their meet starts on 1st of June, ends the 7th. I know I will drive near his course if he needs something. I will meet him somewhere from the middle, like Modesto, California. I just must!!! 

“PLEASE! Eugene Listen to your body!……You already proved your potential to yourself and to the world by pulling yourself together against all odds. Your diligent efforts and never wanting to give up for yourself is a proof. Please don’t ever forget that.” Love you Eugene!

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A baby bird

May 16, 2008

 

Like a baby bird, 

Who has not yet learn to fly, 

Who hasn’t had chance to open his wings full-span, 

Who hasn’t had experience of soaring free across the sky, 

Carving one’s own path, 

You have fallen. 

You who are so young, 

You who are so innocent, 

You who are so clean and pure, 

Untainted by this harsh, dark world. 

A fledgling youth, 

A wide-eyed deer, 

A new born babe with eyes still shut, 

You seek to open your eyes to see the greatness of the world, 

And the greatness you will achieve. 

The world will just have to wait, little while longer. 

Eunie kim10/12/03 

Eunie is sister of Eugene Kim, wrote for him after he came home from the hospital 

She bought a note book for him to write a journal, and she wrote this poem on the first page.

my poetry

May 12, 2008

It’s been there all along,

deep inside of me,

 attempting to scream out aloud,

echoes of the fear for uncertainty, 

 took me back to my dungeons.

There were times wanting to cry out,

 end up chocking with no air.

The life time collection of words,

faced no exits for the escape route,

bottled up inside, no where to hide,

 packed in to every cells,

yet entwined in the vast space it seems.

My heart is full with unseen,

unspoken words, so old,

 almost lost it’s meaning.

To express, painstakingly sorrowful memories,

with out a pity.

The beauties of nature inscribed in the colorful stones.

All the known for the truth,

 from the trials and tribulations,

making sentences to deliver on to next experiences.

Residual sadness for many hurts,

disappointments swallowed big lumps in the throat.

Its still there,

all mixed in together,

waiting to burst out,

through tiny crack if there is any,

To sing it in to the ears,

who care to listen.

To whisper the mystic realms,

for some one to understand.

Desperately more to give,

 instantaneously ready to release,

 the deepest kind, the motherly love,

needing to be recorded,

if not anything else.

As I regroup,

as I recoup what belongs to me,

 is my poetry.

Feb 03/08 leia cha